the ugly truth

Ever have one of those days? I feel like I have been bouncing my head off concrete, really dogmatic concrete. I wonder what it must be like to be one of those people who only see the world from their own perspective. I wonder if it would make me happier?

But I like observing. I’m a good observer. Not sure there are many things I can put ‘good’ before.  I don’t feel that need to impose my view on the world, and make everything else fit. Its odd, many see fiction as a means of control, the writer God in his own little universe. And I do understand that. I understand the need to make a safe little space for yourself in an ever changing world. I write to understand, not on an intellectual level but a personal one. If I can walk in their shoes, maybe I can forgive them for wearing cheap white stilettoes.. 😛

But on the flip side of that I find in real life I crave the opposite of control. Not in any weird submissive bondage sort of way 😀 just before someone thinks it.. though there is an interesting conversation..

I want to see the real world. I want to see what other minds have to offer, where their thoughts and needs and habits lead. Its what inspires my writing. If I don’t live, with all the unpredictability that offers, if I merely progress on a predetermined course, what do I have to say? It would take metafiction to a whole other level: Here’s the world I created in a book all about the world I created.

Although I say a whole other level – am I wrong? Is that level already the norm? It does sometimes feel that the world I am reading in so called realistic fiction is no more credible, certainly no more backed up by genuine observation or evidence than the one in Harry Potter. There are rules to realism. Conventions – dare I suggest it? – to the genre… A tone, a voice, a truth, that belongs there and nowhere else. In life you’ll find for every cruel, unhappy man there is a kind, happy one. A truth they obliterate the minute they put fingers to keys.

Of course all we have is perspective. Statistics are statistically likely to be statistically bollocks. Or so some statistics told me.

I went to a talk by a well respected scientist once who claimed that most scientists ‘cherry pick’ their results. It was disputed of course, but even within this arena, there is – as there should be- contestation, conflicting evidence, juxtaposing stand points. And history has shown that often the least popular is the one that survives. They might seem like the ones who are seeing what is not there. The ones holding stubbornly to the view they want – until of course their view is upheld by the test of time.

Which could suggest that those seeing the world one way and only one way aren’t seeing the world at all. And aren’t remotely interested in seeing the world. They aren’t observing. So what are they doing? Probably pushing their own needs. I should probably stop banging my head against the concrete dogmatism and just embrace them as inspiration, but it bothers me a little. being an observer means sometimes you forget to get in the game. Sometimes you forget that the wonderful unpredictable thing you are watching is life and you’re a part of it. And what you think – right or wrong – is just as valid an opinion as anyone elses.

So my plain unvarnished opinion is this: if you are a narcissistic little shit just trying to force the world to fit to your needs and make yourself look good while doing it, bugger off! actually this man puts it so much more eloquently..booo



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